Van Damme

INTERVIEW OF A WRITER

INTERVIEW OF A WRITER

(The interview board of an advertising agency consisting of chairman and three members, awaits the entry of the next candidate. The interview is being held to select writers who will compose slogans, ads, technical write-ups etc. for products of client companies. Candidate Van Chan Travolta enters. He is a short, stout ,shining bald person)

Chairman (Smiling): “Welcome Mr. Three in One. I beg your pardon for deforming your name. Please don’t take it otherwise.”

(As VCT enters , he stoops and his right shoe hits the bolt of the automatic door and he loses his balance .Colliding with an adjacent almirah , he kneels on the ground and a heavy office file falls from atop  the almirah  on his shining bald head. Along with it , the file brings down an ink bottle which uncaps and ink splashes out of it , colouring VCT’s head. VCT manages to rise on his feet somehow and moves forward with determined steps as ink trickles down his arid top. He is clad in a red  ragged bush shirt and torn jeans and an unequally trimmed moustache on the  two sides of his wide nostrils provides a rare asymmetrical ugliness to his countenance.)

Chairman: “Going by the decorum of an interview Mr. VCT, didn’t you think it necessary to wear decent clothes?”

VCT: “Sorry Sir, but I believe intellectual people are like that only. My great grandfather , a contemporary of William Wordsworth ,  used to wear a torn coat , my grandfather , a friend of Edgar Allan Poe , always wore a severely mutilated pair of trousers , my father wears a cap with a hole…….”

Member1: “OK…Ok… hold on please. We understand that you have quite a patchy pedigree , frayed forefathers , a damaged descent and a tattered trend apart from intellectual inheritance.”

Chairman (interrupting): “Now let’s start with your name. It reminds me of Jon Bon Jovi , a star of the yester years. Your name also carries the same rhythmicity. How on earth did your parents stumble upon such a name?”

VCT:  “Well, first the rhythm thing.  My forefathers were all rhythmic people. They lived in a poetic milieu. They hated to stagnate and loved flowing freely. So it was naturality and spontaneity, motion and  emotion all along. Next, the Hollywood touch . My father had a great longing to write a script for stars like  John Travolta , Van Damme  and Jackie Chan. In fact he wrote a script named “Boozed Beggars” for them but the same was turned down by each of them. He chased them to every spot they went to shoot but alas! he never could fulfill his cherished dream. And thereafter he decided to pass on the legacy of chasing to me. Hence my  rhythmic , ambitious , freely flowing , Hollywood  name.”

Chairman: “Did you try writing a script for the stars contributing your name?”

VCT:” I wrote one for Jackie Chan ,”Snake in the Donkey’s Shadow” and Chan tried hard to do the acrobatics as per the demand of the script but he couldn’t and ultimately gave up. He requested me to come up with an easier script…..and ‘am grinding one….”

Member2: “Interesting .Quite interesting Mr. VCT. Having heard about your awesome ancestry the board now, is interested in knowing about some of your compositions. How experienced are you in the field of writing? Tell us what have you been writing recently?”

VCT: “Oh !  Yes Sir , Part of my style of entry was intentional , the purpose thereof was to conspicuously represent my arid top , because you must be knowing that the comb of experience is acquired only when one goes bald. My experience lies mainly in the field of educative articles. Few of my recently composed articles are “FIVE TIPS TO WEAR YOUR SPECTACLES”, “TOP THREE TIPS TO SIT ON A CHAIR”, “THREE TIPS TO DRINK A GLASS OF WATER …”

Member 3(interrupting): “How about FIVE TIPS TO DO NOTHING” ?

VCT: “Oh! great idea your majesty!”

Member 1: “Do you write poems , stories etc.?”

VCT: “O ! ya! Recently I wrote a story with  my one eyed daughter as the central character . What inspired me to write about her is her strange behaviour . The dents on my head are witness to that. If  I don’t accept any of her demands she might use any of her toys to print these dents on my head.”

Member1: “Toys ? I guess you wrote a kids’ story. Something like ‘Harry Potter’ ?”

VCT: “Scary Daughter.”

Chairman: “O, I see. It’s good that dents are a family matter in your case. Many writers get them as a gift from their audience. Anyway, let’s talk business now. See there?”

(Chairman points to an advertisement hung on the wall. It is about a suiting –shirting outlet. It reads “THE ULTIMATE  FITTINGS OF YOUR LIFE. YOU NEVER THINK OF GETTING OUT OF THEM”.)

Chairman: “This is an award winning slogan from our company. If you are selected you will have to write such slogans. O.K. with you?”

VCT: “fine sir.”

Chairman: “We have been asked to provide a slogan for a new brand of mattresses . Can you suggest?”

VCT: “Sure. THE ULTIMATE SLEEP OF YOUR LIFE. NEVER EVER YOU GET UP”

Chairman (Bursting in laughter): “Are you sure  this slogan will sell mattresses for the brand?”

VCT: “Of course sir . People will die on such mattresses … er…I mean .. for such mattresses.”

Member 2: “O.K. Will you like to mention any awards , laurels you won?”

VCT: “Yes! I was recently awarded the ‘FULL BOTTLE’ award for my path breaking novel ‘DRUNK DONKEYS’.”

Chairman: “And which organization did award you that?”

VCT: “BOTTOMS UP CLUB.”

Member2: “How different the earth would have been Mr. VCT, had you not been born?”

Chairman (Whispering in member2’s ears and having a suppressed laugh): “The earth would have been a little lighter, The day would have lasted a little longer and night would have been shorter, it would have rained heavily in the Sahara , the great poets wouldn’t have died…)”

VCT (Overhearing chairman’s voice): “The great poet era has begun again sir and you are interviewing the harbinger.”

Chairman: “Well Mr.VCT, we had a nice time interviewing you. We all wish you best of luck for your future endeavours. “

VCT: “Should I consider it as the end of my present endeavour?”

Chairman and all the members : “Ya, that’s it.”

(VCT turns a full circle and slowly departs. He pushes the door outwards and looks back a final time to bid good bye and  bows for courtesy sake. Just then his pen drops from his pocket and as he bends down to pick it , the automatic door bounces back and hits VCT hard on his head. He falls flat with a bang on the ground. Chairman and members rush to give a helping hand.)

About the Author

I am a telecom professional.I like to write advice articles,short stories,humour,articles on technology ,sci-fi,success stories etc.

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